WHY CAN'T I LET GO?

Recently I was asked, “What does forgiveness have to do with accountability?” Too many times in our lives we get confused between taking accountability for our lives and forgiving people vs forgiving people and not taking accountability for our lives.   To truly forgive means to move past or move beyond the issue or event that we have either created or has been created by others.  To take accountability means that we may or may not have been the creator but we are choosing to act rather than be acted upon.  I have been asked many times if forgiving people means I have to let them back into my life? Or the opposite; if they have forgiven me, why are things not as they were? This feeling may be a result of others setting and keeping boundaries.  We may interpret these boundaries as a person’s lack of forgiveness.  It is important to remember that just because we are letting it go or forgiving doesn’t mean that what happened was ok, it just means we are no longer being held back by it.   It is critical to maintain, enforce and set boundaries in order to keep ourselves safe.  This may come in the form of limiting exposure to those that are unhealthy, limiting our conversations to topics that do not lead to unhealthy discussions and / or removing ourselves from the environments which these events have occurred in.  It is our responsibility to keep ourselves safe and take action with accountability in order to move forward.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

SHAKE WELL, SEPARATION IS NATURAL

A few weeks ago while facilitating a seminar; a friend of mine purchased a nutritional juice beverage for me.  As I sat and read the label I was struck by one of the suggestions that the product made.  It simply said this, “shake well, separation is natural”.  As I sat and pondered this statement, it struck my heart deeply as I realized how much of our time is spent grieving over loss.  We grieve over the loss of loved ones, time, youth, energy, work, etc.  Grief is an appropriate emotion for us to experience.   However, it is not appropriate for us to entertain and marinate in for extended periods of time.  Grief’s adverse effects on our emotional state contribute to the loss of focus on what is currently happening and it does not allow us to engage in the moments as they arrive.  When we extend our grief longer than necessary, we then grieve even more over the time now lost in addition to what we were originally grieving.  The mental toll that it takes on us affects our thoughts and beliefs.  It takes away our ability to reason with the current information.  It brings in past memories and assumptions to dilute what is true.  It also causes us to lose focus on what is important. The most significant toll is the loss of gratitude and the inability to see the things we are grateful for rather than lamenting over those that are lost.  Please don’t misunderstand, grief is appropriate and applicable when it is used to heal and let go of loss.  But, “Separation is natural”. It is not appropriate to marinate or dwell in the past for so long that it means we lose today.

Dean Nixon

Value Based Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

TRUE BALANCE

True balance is one of the hardest things for humans to acquire because of where we chose to put our focus.   We tend to become more focused on balance as what we want things to feel like rather than embracing what it is in the moment.  An evaluation of which we may be more focused on can be done by looking at which of the two kinds of emotional pain and discomfort is  present in our lives (necessary pain or unnecessary pain). Necessary emotional pain and discomfort is what generates growth and emotional coping skills.  Unnecessary emotional pain and discomfort is created by our fears and expectations and is where we allow ourselves to draw our personal value from.  We fear emotional discomfort because we often perceive it as a sign of weakness, that we are bad or that there is something “wrong” with us or the other who is causing it.  With this energy we assume we are out of balance.  The reality may simply be that this emotional discomfort is what we need to help us progress and grow to become balanced.   True balance is obtained when we learn to stop avoiding issues and problems that are necessary in our lives.  It is not achieved by eliminating all emotional discomfort.  Embracing our humanity and accepting our short comings, while doing our best to eliminate unnecessary emotional pain, will prove itself to bring true balance.   

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

NEW LOOK, FEEL and CONTENT of TURNINGLEAF BLOGS

One of the main questions I get over and over is how do I increase the value within myself?  The answer is very simple, it’s the ability to invest in one’s self and to find ways to continue to change the way we see ourselves.  Many times in our lives we reach out to find answers when we are struggling.  But we fail to maintain that nurturing spirit when times are good.  Just like the physical body the emotional and mental body needs continual nutrition.  We are continually bombarded daily with information that is both helpful and toxic.  We have the ability to digest healthy information and material. 

For this purpose TurningLeaf has now turned to our blogs as a source of continual nutrition on an emotional and developmental level.  The information contained come from professionals in the fields of personal development, emotional growth, parenting, addiction and mental health.  We hope our blogs become a source of insight and information and you will continue to refer to them.  We are grateful for insight, input or requests for information in the source of feedback along with questions we can address in future posts. This is about you and the needs of your personal development. Visit our "Contact Us" page to send your questions and feedback.

Aside from mine, TurningLeaf hosts 4 other main blogs which can be found on our website or in the right hand column of this or any other TurningLeaf Blog.  They include; TurningLeaf Wellness Center (All Areas of Wellness), Richard Y Moody, Ph.D. (Mental Health), Sue Judd, MSS, LSAC (Substance Abuse) and Jamie Lightner, Life Coach (Parenting).  Each blog will now have a new post at least weekly with information pertaining to its area of expertise. These posts will link to TurningLeaf’s Facebook Fan page in addition to each individual’s fan page.

It’s not about change, It’s about growth! Watch for future posts and use this tool to keep moving forward!

Dean N Nixon

Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

DO YOU BELIEVE WHAT OTHERS TELL YOU?

In order to free our minds we must remove our ancestral definitions. The beliefs of others cloud our minds and we become lackadaisical and complacent in our own understanding of what is true. As children we need our parents hands to guide our steps, their mouths to form our words, yet our thoughts remain our own. It is our perception and discernment coupled with meditation and constant prayer that leads to our truth. Ignore those who claim they know the only true way. If there is truly only one way, how can the path accommodate us both. Our path is personal in nature, we must find it through our darkness. Our choices create a path that is as a finger print, unique to our needs and lessons. We believe what we know to be true. I ask, do we know or believe what others tell us is true?

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

YOU CAN NOT FAIL

We at times will be required to risk and stretch to prove the growth we have achieved. Just as a butterfly will flap its newly emerging wings, we to must test what we have learned. The fear of failure casts an ominous shadow, it can block out the light of truth, bringing lies and insecurities, blinding us from answers. A simple change of focus will give us strength to risk. When we can see that there is truly no failure, only the results of our choices, we remove the fear from movement. I challenge you to risk today, as you do look for results, then feel the courage grow within you.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

LEARNING TO FOCUS

The distraction of others actions is an attempt to satisfy our own emotional discomfort. This lack of focus on our own issues creates a dependency on the external world, creating a dissatisfaction with the life we have. Learning to focus on our own feeling and controlling our thoughts gives us peace and freedom.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

PATIENCE

To often we do not place full value on the simple growth we achieve. Just as a bucket can be filled by a dripping faucet, our growth can be slow but consistent. It is important that we do not underestimate the power of patience.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

THE GOLDEN RULE

I was told by my mother many time as a child to live "The Golden Rule." She would say, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I have since wondered as I listen to people talk about themselves if that is such a good idea. Too many times I hear derogatory statements and self defeating remarks made at times of frustration, even in times that seem to be ideal comments can be demeaning. I hear some say, "I never speak ill of myself," yet I can tell by the way they carry themselves that the words may not be said outward, but they are being said inward. I believe my Mother's council was sound, it's not about how we treat others, it's about how we treat ourselves that will make the most impact. Let's live "The Golden Rule" of "Treat yourself as well as you treat others."

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

NEW YEAR

As the new year begins and we ponder the next step we will take, thoughts of possibility and opportunities fill our minds.

It is important to remember to not live too far into the future, and to be kind when reviewing the past.

The moment we are in right now is the most powerful.
The choices we are making today will create the path we will find ourselves on tomorrow.

Our purpose today is to make the choices that will create the tomorrow we want.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center