May 28, 2010

FOCUS ON HOW YOU FEEL

As May draws to an end and we find ourselves at the half way point of 2010 now is a good time to check in on how the year is going. Thinking of the remainder of this year, we can spend a large amount of time focusing on what we want to accomplish and what we have already done or not done. We tend to be very task oriented and can become disillusioned and overwhelmed. I would like to challenge you to shift from task oriented to feeling oriented for the next six months, in other words focus on how you want the next six months to feel. We tend to lean on tasks to show us success, try feelings, what are the feelings you most want in your daily, weekly, and monthly life? Focus on the feelings you want for six months and let me know your successful results of which I am confident you will have plenty. If need help, suggestions or clarification let me know.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 25, 2010

GRATITUDE CAN GIVE US DIRECTION

In the past, I have written about gratitude. It's a powerful expression, it helps the heart and mind focus on what is important. As the warm days of summer come and we see more of the outdoors, we can observe more of what this world has to offer. It's the simple form of observation that can slow us down long enough to see the true value of what we have. Gratitude can give our days direction and meaning. When we set out to see all we are grateful for, we gain a sense of well being. It also challenges the mind to control our thoughts, to overlook those things we would become fixated on as important. Gratitude is a peaceful emotion, it plants seeds that can grow into a powerful opportunity.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 24, 2010

MARRIAGE - FRIEND OR FOE?

Recently I was asked how to keep a marriage free from trials and conflict, my response was, "it is impossible." We can however learn to strengthen marriage to a point that it will survive the trials and conflict. We have been fooled into thinking that marriage is an arrival point, we have been taught to define ourselves by marriage and loose ourselves to it. We look down on ourselves if we struggle and become impatient with our partner, we look outward for reference and direction. We fear the looks of others hoping they don't see the issues. We have forgotten that marriage is a process that needs to grow and mature. If we learn to look at marriage as a child, we can see the process clearly; first, life is new and fragile, it is learning to walk with someone, and speak a new language, it will soon learn to feed itself and take on its own personality, patterns are developing that will shape everything about it and how it sees the world. Later, it becomes challenged, it strains under the pressure of peers and the comparisons to other marriages. The distraction of careers and children enters leaving no time to enjoy or repair the relationship, resulting in resentments and dissatisfaction and wishing, this form of grief and self loathing leads to anger and soon wanting change. After the distractions are gone, introspection begins and the true work is done. If there has been a healthy respect for the process and gratitude for the opportunity, with realistic views, the best part begins, acceptance. How powerful would it be if we could start marriage with acceptance? To know that marriage is a process and requires and huge amount of humility and humanity, to start with no expectations, just the ability to adapt and grow. This is the answer to the question, How do I strengthen my marriage to withstand the trials rather than avoid them?


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 19, 2010

TAKING THE STANCE OF THE VICTIM

Taking the stance of the victim is easy and enticing, but it holds no accountability and provides justification for a lack of moving forward. For years I have watched fear of being wrong conquer the need for accountability, producing repercussions that range from minimal to extreme. It is always easier to blame circumstances and others for the issues or predicament we find ourselves in, minimizing our role as to not feel wrong. If we look at the fear of being wrong, we will see the power it holds and how it is the root of the behavior. Years ago when dealing with a young woman in treatment I became profoundly aware of how the victim stance can devastate not only the person, but those who love and care for her as well. It started with a lie to cover what she felt justified doing. She had wanted to have freedom and not feel under the thumb of her parents, she wanted to live life the way she wanted, not "the way her parents believed." Soon her guilt grew and the knowledge of her rebellion was revealed. In an attempt to justify her actions she began to blame her parents, then as she felt her rationale crumbling, she spun a web of lies. Later, it all came out and the truth flowed. I could see the relief in her eyes and hear the sadness in her heart as she realized the gravity of her misdeeds. I wish I could say all turned out well for her and she had simply confessed the lies, but the wreckage was deep and extensive. Time will help her and her family overcome a devastating event, all created by the fear of being wrong. It is to our advantage to not get caught up in the victim stance and especially not to model it to our children.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 16, 2010

FINDING PEACE THROUGH MEDITATION


Meditation doesn't have to be complicated. The more we learn to connect the mind and body through meditation, the more helpful the answers. It is important to know that meditation doesn't have to be formal, we can get caught up in poses and positions, while these are helpful ways, they are not the only way to connect to our discernment. Sometimes simple is better and all that is required is sitting still and listening to the sound of your breath, the rhythm your heart, or the sound of the birds. The peace that is found in meditation is profound, and the answers that can be obtained are powerful. All it takes is ten to twenty minutes a day, so start now.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 11, 2010

CHOOSING YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

Often we become frustrated and overwhelmed when looking for the ability to let things go. Our purpose is to relieve the discomfort and end the pain. This can lead to obsessive thoughts and impulsive behaviors. We spend time using methods of blocking or distraction to resolve the issue only to find our persistent thoughts and feelings prevailing. In past posts I have written about the power of refocusing as well as anchoring to help in the constant struggle. Next we need to work on the more overlooked tool of controlling the thoughts we entertain. Our thoughts are like our friends, we choose those who most represent how we feel about ourselves. When we spend time with unhealthy friends it is easy to fall into unhealthy behaviors, the same is true of the thoughts we spend time with. It is easy to blame or circumstances or the people in our lives for the stress and aggravation, yet it always comes down to our choices and what we allow ourselves to think and feel. We choose who we entertain in our homes, now we must choose what we entertain in and out of our thoughts.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 6, 2010

PEACE, JUST PEACE

The deep swelling darkness of loss, that pain that illuminates the obvious, it denies cries for relief.

Wanting my eyes to shut, so as not to witness the visions of the mind, no safe harbor from imagination, only taunting answers sent to retrieve.

Peace is a sweetness craved, gold and diamond, countless quests have been launched yet never returned, swallowed up in a sea of questions.

Lay still my mind, lay still, soft breeze will fill me, no sound of wanting or need, just defining quiet that stops my minds ear.

Peace, just peace.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

May 3, 2010

HELPING YOUR CHILD THROUGH REBELLION


When asked, How can I change the course of a child that's heading on a self-destructive path, my response is, "Kids can't compass off the clouds." Our first instinct when a child rebels is to adjust what we are doing to lure them back or we metaphorically chase the child. We try heavy consequences or we make concessions, even enabling to bring them back to our way of thinking or behaving. This is due to how we personalize the rebellion rather than understanding it, rebellion is a time when we have the most influence based on how we respond to the rebellion. We can change our response to a healthier one, that will change the patterns and opens the door to communication.
Our response is critical, yet can be clear with help. If you need more info and help on this, Please contact me.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center