It’s summer, school is out!
A whole new set of dilemmas have arrived. It is easy as parents to stare blankly at
the problems that come from children getting out of school. Whether it be as simple as trying to figure
out what they will eat during the day to dealing with a defiant child having so
much free time they refuse to get out of bed and help maintain the home. Regardless of the dilemma, one of the things we have to remember is that
it is always important to engage our children in the solutions. The most powerful tool in our toolbox as
parents is the ability to give our children a voice and help them learn that
they can solve problems and participate in the solution of problems in order to
learn how to be self-governing.
Recently while listening to a parent describe their interaction
with their defiant teenager I became concerned at the parents response which
was simply “Because I said so”. Giving
the child the impression of “I am right, you are wrong”, “I am the adult, and
you are the child”. While it is important
for children to be obedient, it is just as important to teach children the
value in being obedient. Too often we see defiance as a personal affront. In reality it’s simply children or teens
testing boundaries. We as parents have
to abandon the belief that when we say “because I said so” and the child in
turn complies, it means we were right.
I propose that we
need to become more focused of results as parents. It is more important to become focused on our
children’s understanding of why they are doing what they are doing, their
response and their reaction to our requests; rather than trying to control our
children into or out of behaviors.
Becoming more result oriented as a parent gives us the opportunity to
open conversations and deepen our relationships with our children while
increasing their understanding of why they are doing what they are doing. Creating long term values within the child gives
them the ability to first value us as a powerful viable source of information
and second the desire to be accountable because they have come to understand
the benefits of doing so.
Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach