Recently while sitting and running a parenting group, the
topic and/or question came up of “How do we start focusing on the positive
rather than what’s wrong?” This topic
tends to be a general issue rather than a parent specific issue. The issue at hand is that we spend more time
focusing on what is wrong and thinking by doing this we can fix what is wrong and
that our issues and troubles will be over.
The struggle is that when we spend our time on what is wrong we tend to
see it as a continual stream of wrong.
I enjoy working on motorcycles. I like being able to take a
motorcycle that isn’t functioning well and by process of illumination, track
down what is wrong and fix it. After
stripping it down, this strategy works in helping me find the issue and putting
the bike back together. The bike then tends to work more effectively. While
this strategy may work on bikes, this does not work when it comes to human
beings. Human beings are more complex
creatures than a simple animate object that is designed to do specific tasks.
Since it tends to work well in those areas, we have the tendency to apply this philosophy
to the complexity of humanity. I cannot
look at myself and simply through a process of elimination, track down one
simple issue, fix it, and have my life become flawless from there forward.
There are a series of factors that play into the issues we
all wrestle with. Rather than spending
our energy focusing on fixing what is wrong, there is a more effective strategy
when it comes to dealing with humans and our own humanity. One way is to simply shift our focus to look
for those things that are “working” and “not working” in our lives. When I identify the “working” pieces of my
life, I can then start to see them as universal truths. I can then apply these
truths not only to the issues they are working for but also use them on the
things I may be struggling with. For
example, if I have the ability to let go of obsessive thoughts when it comes to
work, that means I have the tools to let go of obsessive thoughts. Therefore, if I am struggling with obsessive
thoughts in my personal life, by focusing on how I am dealing with them in my
work life and the processes I used to let go, I can then apply these same tools
to my personal life for similar results.
We as human beings have a tendency to default to wrong and
right thinking when it comes to problem solving. That may work on a carburetor;
it does not work on hearts and minds of men and women.
Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach