SIX DAYS WITH TEENS

Recently, I had the opportunity to spend 6 days working with Teens. The first 3 days were spent at a treatment center co-facilitating a Level Three "Balance" Seminar with Greg Barton. The next 3 days I was able to lead a Level One "Wakening" Seminar with teens locally from the St George, UT community and surrounding areas. As a result I relearned some very profound things. I would like to take a minute and share those with you. 

First off, I was reminded of how powerful the future generations are and how much we often times, as adults, focus on the fears of what the next generation will be or what the next generation is going through. Within the spirit of each of these young men and women is an understanding that each human life is important. The desire to give respect and receive respect is inherent within all of them. When they are given an opportunity and are guided, the love and acceptance they give one another is overwhelming. 

I also had the reaffirmation that young men and women crave structure. When they are given an opportunity they will choose a structure that will benefit all concerned. Often times we don’t recognize this as parents because within our homes there lays family dynamics that can often create behaviors within our children which lead us to believe otherwise. Children crave an even playing field. If all young men and women sincerely participate in an activity there is an automatic unspoken respect that occurs. The ability for each young man and woman to see the value of each other becomes magnified when all participants are engaged. They tend to operate in this forum without agenda, understanding the end purpose is for each to help move one another forward. 

Finally, at the end of the week in my closing remarks with the families, I challenged each of us as adults to now give those teens the opportunity to lead us to create a similar environment within our own world. We can learn to create a structure within our own lives that will be mutually beneficial to all concerned and once we have created that environment we can show up within it, fully engage and participate. Too many times we allow ourselves to resist structure and participation due to our own fears and regrets of the past. We lose out on the opportunity to sit still within our own being, to be at ease and to listen to our own souls for answers. It’s this rising fear within us that takes away our opportunity to hear the answers and be free. The last few days I have had the opportunity to check in with a few of these teens. Within them I can see the resolve to continue this environment because they recognize truth as truth. They are committed to creating that environment into their own lives. I pray we can follow their lead.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center  

BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO (Child / Teen Dilemmas)

It’s summer, school is out!  A whole new set of dilemmas have arrived.   It is easy as parents to stare blankly at the problems that come from children getting out of school.  Whether it be as simple as trying to figure out what they will eat during the day to dealing with a defiant child having so much free time they refuse to get out of bed and help maintain the home.  Regardless of the dilemma,  one of the things we have to remember is that it is always important to engage our children in the solutions.  The most powerful tool in our toolbox as parents is the ability to give our children a voice and help them learn that they can solve problems and participate in the solution of problems in order to learn how to be self-governing. 

Recently while listening to a parent describe their interaction with their defiant teenager I became concerned at the parents response which was simply “Because I said so”.  Giving the child the impression of “I am right, you are wrong”, “I am the adult, and you are the child”.  While it is important for children to be obedient, it is just as important to teach children the value in being obedient. Too often we see defiance as a personal affront.  In reality it’s simply children or teens testing boundaries.  We as parents have to abandon the belief that when we say “because I said so” and the child in turn complies, it means we were right.

 I propose that we need to become more focused of results as parents.  It is more important to become focused on our children’s understanding of why they are doing what they are doing, their response and their reaction to our requests; rather than trying to control our children into or out of behaviors.  Becoming more result oriented as a parent gives us the opportunity to open conversations and deepen our relationships with our children while increasing their understanding of why they are doing what they are doing.  Creating long term values within the child gives them the ability to first value us as a powerful viable source of information and second the desire to be accountable because they have come to understand the benefits of doing so. 


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

RIGHT AND WRONG ~ vs ~ WORKING AND NONWORKING

Recently while sitting and running a parenting group, the topic and/or question came up of “How do we start focusing on the positive rather than what’s wrong?”  This topic tends to be a general issue rather than a parent specific issue.  The issue at hand is that we spend more time focusing on what is wrong and thinking by doing this we can fix what is wrong and that our issues and troubles will be over.  The struggle is that when we spend our time on what is wrong we tend to see it as a continual stream of wrong. 

I enjoy working on motorcycles. I like being able to take a motorcycle that isn’t functioning well and by process of illumination, track down what is wrong and fix it.  After stripping it down, this strategy works in helping me find the issue and putting the bike back together. The bike then tends to work more effectively. While this strategy may work on bikes, this does not work when it comes to human beings.  Human beings are more complex creatures than a simple animate object that is designed to do specific tasks. Since it tends to work well in those areas, we have the tendency to apply this philosophy to the complexity of humanity.   I cannot look at myself and simply through a process of elimination, track down one simple issue, fix it, and have my life become flawless from there forward. 

There are a series of factors that play into the issues we all wrestle with.  Rather than spending our energy focusing on fixing what is wrong, there is a more effective strategy when it comes to dealing with humans and our own humanity.  One way is to simply shift our focus to look for those things that are “working” and “not working” in our lives.  When I identify the “working” pieces of my life, I can then start to see them as universal truths. I can then apply these truths not only to the issues they are working for but also use them on the things I may be struggling with.  For example, if I have the ability to let go of obsessive thoughts when it comes to work, that means I have the tools to let go of obsessive thoughts.  Therefore, if I am struggling with obsessive thoughts in my personal life, by focusing on how I am dealing with them in my work life and the processes I used to let go, I can then apply these same tools to my personal life for similar results.

We as human beings have a tendency to default to wrong and right thinking when it comes to problem solving. That may work on a carburetor; it does not work on hearts and minds of men and women. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

FORGIVENESS - YOU WANT ME TO LET GO AGAIN??

Recently I was asked how does someone let go when the wounds are so deep?  How do I move past the emotional scars that have immobilized me from moving on?  This is a question that seems to be more common place than we would think.  Being a human being in relationships requires us to be vulnerable.  This openness is created by a belief that we can trust that individual or individuals with the essence of who we are.  I have asked many groups of people what they believe trust is?  I have heard many different responses but one reoccurring theme is the belief that the person you trust will not violate that trust, betray you or use what they know against you and love you regardless.  The struggle is due to the simple fact that we are all human. There will always be an increased possibility that they will violate your trust. 

In regards to letting go, letting go is a process of forgiving.  It has been said that forgiveness is more about us than it is about the person we are forgiving.  This statement is absolutely true.  Where we become immobilized is when we get caught up in waiting for those that have caused the offense to acknowledge or fix what they have done or to somehow be vindicated in some miraculous way.  Regardless if either of these two things occurs, it is requisite that we find within ourselves the ability to forgive and let go.  The importance is due to the fact that when we refuse to let go, we create points of fixation that continue to draw us back to the place within us that the offense has occurred. This causes us to live and relive, continually being victimized by our own inability to let go. 

How to let go?  How to let go is a complicated answer.  It is complicated by the complexity of the offense that has occurred.  For some it may be simply choosing not to care anymore.  For others it may be sitting down with a professional that will help guide them through the pieces of the event or events.  For others it can simply come in choosing to refocus on what is true, regardless if others are unwilling to see the truth, drawing on their own personal internal value to anchor in. 

Lastly but most importantly, just because we are letting go, does not mean that what happened was ok.  It just means that we are done being held hostage and being caught up in the vicious cycle of obsessing and reinjuring ourselves. It is always important to back up the process of letting go by establishing healthy boundaries.  It is easier to put up walls, isolate ourselves and to cut out relationships but in doing so we become trapped in our own walls.  Boundaries are what will keep us safe and allow the relationship to move forward in whatever form it takes.  Sometimes it requires us to limit our exposure to topics or people.  Sometimes it requires us to fully say goodbye and allow that individual to move on with their life and us our own.  Most often it allows relationships to re-stabilize and become healthy again. This occurs by not allowing ourselves or those that have offended to travel down paths where the offense has occurred before.  In order for us to set boundaries we need to have  a clear vision of how we want things to look in the future in that relationship, in other words how things will have to look in order for us to keep ourselves safe. 

Letting go is the most powerful gift we can give ourselves.  Liberating ourselves from past hurt and events, to open up our future, gives us new breath and hope. It is important for us to remember to have a vision of how we want things to be and set boundaries that will allow that to happen. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

ADVERISTY: DON'T YOU KNOW? IT'S POTENTIAL ENERGY!

It is important for us as human beings to remove the value statement of “Wrong” from the adversity we experience throughout our lives. So many times as I have worked with clients, the fear of being wrong has played a significant role in their ability to take healthy risks, progress, let go and heal.  It is critical for us as human beings to change the way we see adversity. 

We have grown in our understanding to believe that adversity comes because of something we have done wrong or believe it is some form of cosmic punishment.  The reality is adversity is the potential energy that growth needs to occur.  Just as a germinating seed will grow within its husk, pushing itself to the point where it eventually bursts through; the strength and energy it now has after working through adversity creates the capacity to then penetrate through the soil under which it finds itself. 

Our adversities are no different in that they contain the same energy which will propel us forward. Our understanding and confidence building will increase to prepare us for the journeys that lie ahead.  To stifle or avoid it is to deny progression.  Avoidance comes through the fear of not wanting to be wrong or feel discomfort.  We find ways to avoid through addictions, blame, self-loathing and other forms that keep us numb.  The solution comes through embracing adversity and understanding that it is potential energy that promotes growth.  

Simply put, here are the steps to moving through adversity:

1. Change the way you see adversity. Adversity is potential energy that promotes growth.

2. Remove the fear of adversity by seeing the value in it.  Adversity is needed to progress.

3. Build a tolerance for the discomfort that adversity creates.  Let go of the fear of being wrong.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center 

YOU WANT ME TO GO WHERE?

The willingness to commit ourselves to a path that brings both knowledge and growth requires commitment.  It is our commitment that opens the doors and guides our feet as we set out on a journey to progress and heal.  It is through the commitment to the path that intention is born. 

The intention that we carry in our hearts will always guide our focus and give us the ability to see the subtle answers that we normally would miss day to day.  As we walk with a hunger in our hearts and an appetite for whatever it is we seek, our senses are more open to finding, consuming and internalizing the steps we need.  As we progress through our days, if we commit to ourselves to set healthy boundaries with those we love and do not let fears or insecurities interfere, we will be more alert to the subtleties. We will have the ability to discern how and when to set boundaries even when we find resistance in it. 

Commitment is what pushes through the barrier of resistance and allows us to refocus on the intention of keeping relationships healthy.  We do not allow discomfort sway us from the ultimate path we are on. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS WHEN I STARTED

Humans have a tendency to be extremely adaptable. This has been proven simply by the ability we have to live and survive in the extremist of conditions. At times I think to myself, “We have no business living in the desert when it’s 125 degrees.” Then I see those who live in Antarctica or the Arctic Circle and not only live but thrive. This is true of all climates.

It is this adaptability that often times becomes our demise.  A few weeks back I was pulling oranges from a box. I was intrigued by the fact that round oranges had flat sides where they had pressed next to another orange very tightly in this box.  I pondered how the natural shape of this orange had been changed by its need to adapt to the temporary living conditions prior to being consumed.  It was then that I realized we are also like these oranges and our natural shaped behaviors, thoughts and feelings can all be shaped by the environment that we allow ourselves to be in. 

I have often said that we are easily defined by our 5 closest friends because it’s these 5 closest friends we allow to influence our shape.  Take a look and see if you can learn something new about yourself.  Are you like the orange?

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

IT'S NOT ABOUT CHANGE, IT'S ABOUT GROWTH

What does this mean???

TurningLeaf has founded this motto based upon the understanding that the majority of human social issues come from trying to change who they are, to be of value to somebody else, rather than taking who they are and growing the strengths that are inherently theirs. 

Our philosophy is derived from the two ways that people are motivated. Fear or Love. We have learned that fear, as a long term motivator, is a defunct system and that over time, breaks down, creating repetitive unhealthy behaviors.  Love or “Value Based” motivation creates long term healthy behaviors, simply by helping people understand why they are doing what they are doing. 

Value Based Living increases the understanding and need to continue healthy behaviors.

Currently we implement value based living in all of our services. Specifically, if you have thought about attending our Value Based parenting class but wanted more information, follow the link which will bring you directly to our web page that gives a breakdown of this 8 week course.  (Value Based Parenting)

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

SILENCE

The restlessness of the day disturbs the stillness of the quiet mind.  It is within the silent moments that we can find answers to the struggles we are working through.  By increasing the stillness or the quiet moments we will connect to our discernment.  Just as the stillness of water reflects our image, the stillness of our minds will reflect the answers we seek. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

JUST ONE MORE PIECE OF PIE

The true demise of New Year’s resolutions isn’t the failure to accomplish them, but the intent by which they were set.   Most of the time we feel that the true failure to keep New Year’s resolutions is due to a lack of will power or the inability to stay committed.  In truth, the demise is set within the intent of why we chose the resolutions to begin with. 

All too often we allow external influences to become our motivation rather than focusing on our own truth, our own needs and focusing on what is healthy for us.  For example, getting caught up in the physical self-image that we portray to the world and placing high value on our physical appearance can often times cause us to be self-conscious or insecure about our weight.  We plan on losing weight, or working on our figure knowing that we will be attending a high school reunion or playing on the beach in the summer.  We work hard until we reach those end dates.  Once those end dates have moved on our purpose and resolution has now disappeared.  We find our motivation to continue to exercise and eat well starts to become less of a priority. 

If, however, we can see the value in the long term health benefits, we can now start to focus more on the value of why we are doing what we are doing as an internal motivation rather than an external. This can be accomplished by focusing on how we feel when we are eating healthy and exercising and focusing on the feel of the success of keeping our agreements with ourselves and commitments that we have made.  The New Year’s resolutions that are most often kept come from an internal motivation and resolve to increase one’s value and the ability to see ourselves in a long term healthy way.   

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

  Webisode: WALLS VS BOUNDARIES             

  

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IS THAT A PLATE OF COOKIES ON MY PORCH??

Holidays are a wonderful time of year.  It gives us an opportunity to reflect on relationships both past and current while growing closer to one another.  The holidays are a great opportunity to put ourselves in a position to serve and to help others...  to take care of those that may be in need.  This seems to be an easier concept for us to internalize than the challenge of allowing ourselves to be served.  We become accustomed to being doers during the holidays. We get caught up in the swiftness of shopping and preparing and our focus becomes directed towards pleasing and making other lives pleasurable during this time.  It is important for us to allow ourselves to receive as much as we are given to give others the opportunity to feel the holiday spirit and reap growth that comes from serving those around us.  It is my hope that during the holiday seasons that if you find yourselves being taken care of or served by another that you will take the time to reflect on the importance that they have placed on their relationship with you. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

WE DON'T NEED NO STINK'N BOUNDARIES!

I have often been intrigued by the many different scenarios in which parents have a hard time setting boundaries with their children.  Parenting is a challenging and rewarding experience and in order to make parenting easier it requires two specific things.  Number one is boundaries and number two is consistency with those boundaries. 

I have watched through the years as parents have struggled with one or both of these things.  Struggling to set boundaries can be due to the guilt of not being a perfect parent. It can also be associated with the desire to be loved or liked by their children thus creating a lose - lose situation. I have also noticed parents who personalize their children’s behaviors and emotions which takes away the clarity as to where boundaries need to be set. 

When it comes to consistency, one of the biggest challenges parents have is slowing down enough to give themselves time to follow through and enforce the boundaries that have been established. We are all extremely busy in this world today.  At times the last thing we want to do at the end of a busy day is to deal with the contention that comes from enforcing and confronting boundaries that have been set.  I have often thought of consistency like a garden of vines.  If we are continually pruning and attending to the new challenging growth, it becomes manageable and less stressful.  When attended to once a week, twice a month or even monthly, it tends to become overwhelming.  The thought of getting caught up becomes immobilizing and overwhelming.  It is never too late to call in a gardener and get the help we need to get the vines under control again.  Often times when it becomes unbearable and unmanageable, help is the only answer.  Oddly enough I have noticed that people are afraid to get help.  Embarrassed by the overgrowth and unmanageable vines, they hide their yards from others lamenting and thinking they are the only ones.  They begin to bring in the guilt and shame that acts as fertilizer for the vines and enhances their growth even more.

In order for parents to increase their consistency to set and enforce healthy boundaries with their children, it first requires the ability to let go of yesterday and to focus on how we want tomorrow while embracing today as it comes.   Second, without guilt and shame, seek help and engage those who have the skillset to help the overwhelmed feelings.  Third, SLOW DOWN!  Slowing down requires us to prioritize our values and to focus on the things that are important and the things that are real, letting go of the fears of what other people think or might think of the situations that we find ourselves in.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

   Webisode:  GRATITUDE

                                                                                                                                                                                      

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

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Webisode:  ADVERSITY

                                                                                                                                                                                      

For more webisodes featuring Dean Nixon visit:

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SWEET AND SOUR... OR AM I JUST BITTER?

Recently I was asked how to overcome feelings of bitterness toward those who have hurt us in the past.  Further, how to combat the desire to seek revenge or to let go of vengeful feelings.  

A short time ago I posted a Facebook status that said “Sometimes the sweetest revenge is just letting go and moving on with your life”. It is not always easy to let go of the bitterness and hurt due to the fact that we equate the rejection and ill doing of others to our value as a human being.  We tend to interpret others thoughts and feelings as qualifiers as to whether we are good people or not.

As a young boy my mother told me a story of when she was little and how other young boys would try to scare her with spiders on the playground.  My mother soon discovered that by not responding to the boys as they presented the spiders to her they became discouraged and would leave her alone.  The simple act of my mother not focusing on what scared her gave her the freedom to move on with her life. 

We often times become too overly focused on the thoughts, feelings and actions of others.  This causes us to become overly attached and unable to move on with our lives.  Simply by changing our focus on what is real and what is important we can find the freedom to move forward with our lives.  By letting go and moving on we become unresponsive to those who have hurt us or seek to hurt us.  Over time, those individuals will soon become either discouraged or disinterested with their actions and stop presenting their spiders to us. 

It is not always the actions of others that become frightening to us, it often times can be the obsessive thoughts and false images that WE allow ourselves to obsess over.  That said, the solution remains the same.  Whatever we give energy to continues to live.  Whatever we refrain from giving energy to will soon cease to exist. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

YO MAMA!!

Have you ever thought what it would be like to not smell fresh bread coming from the kitchen?  Or to have that gentle soft hand placed on your forehead in the middle of the night when you don’t feel well?  How about story time?  How important were these things to you when you were a child? 

I am speaking to the importance of women and the value they have in our world.  It is my opinion that women are the most powerful beings on this earth.  I believe this because every young man and women have to come through women to exist in this world and are then raised and conditioned to listen to that sweet voice as council. 

I was shocked recently as I was reading a Readers Digest article, which stated that in a 30 year period over 163 million female babies were not born into this world due to the policies of 5 countries.  These countries are China, India, Azerbaijan, Georgia and Armenia.  I was overwhelmed by this statistic and saddened at the thought of such a powerful resource being discarded. I thought of the powerful women in my life that have shaped me into the man that I am and have given me the opportunity to help other people. 

The first of which was my amazing mother, Myrene Nixon. Her continual patience and prodding echo in my mind today.  As a child growing up with a severe learning disability and dyslexia, a mantra that my mother engrained upon my mind was “Dean you cannot use this as a crutch”.  To this day that is a mantra that continually drives me forward when I so desperately want to just sit down.  The second is Mimi Sorensen, my remedial teacher at cottonwood elementary school.  She was one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest women that taught me the value of patience.   Third are my sisters who were a big factor in my rearing which taught me humor, belief in myself and to respect women no matter their shape or size.  Forth would be Cheryl Farr, one of the cofounders of Sunhawk academy.  She had the courage to open my eyes to emotional growth and another way to live.  Fifth is Sue Judd, longtime friend, role model and business partner. Sue has exemplified integrity, hard work and compassion.  Watching her give of herself freely to fight the battles of addictions in others has left me humbled and amazed.  Finally my amazing wife, Andrea, who I have learned the meaning of true love. She has the courage in me when I have lost it, who is my confidant and companion of whom I have the ability and blessing to spend the rest of my eternities with. 

As I thought of these women and the impact they have had in my life among the many other unmentioned women that have impacted me, I asked myself what if they had been one of these 163 million.  How would my life had been different?  Would I have the empathy and compassion and the value system that I now hold?  Would I have seen life the same?  I challenge all of you to see the power in womanhood and find a way to nurture that flame and help it to become the burning fire that can change our world for the better. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

Webisode: THE SIX AREAS OF HUMANITY

                                                                                                                                                                                          

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THE PROCESS OF GRATITUDE

Have you ever noticed that when you are standing in an overwhelming feeling of gratitude, nothing else seems to matter?  That feeling of Gratitude serves as an anchor connecting us to the moment we are currently in. 

The interesting part to me is the process we go through in order to feel that feeling.  There seems to be three significant things which happen.  The first is “awareness”.  Awareness requires us to be looking outside of our own selfish thoughts and feelings.  It allows us to be open and to receive.  The second is “surrender”. It is the ability to fully let go of all things small and petty.  Allowing ourselves to be totally absorbed into that moment.  The third is a “change of focus”. At that moment when that over whelming feeling of gratitude occurs, we are no longer fixated on the past or afraid of the future.  We are truly congruent with the moment and have created a feeling of safety and serenity.  For that moment we feel absolutely content. 

Gratitude is an emotion that is rooted in love and can serve to be a grounding force in helping us to see our value.  What are you grateful for?

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE FOR FREEDOM

Through the years I have found the key to emotional mastery comes through the ability to set healthy boundaries with our thoughts.  I have been intrigued by the obsessive mind and its ability to learn and process, dissect and rationalize through problems. Obsessive minds have brought out brilliant philosophies and concepts which have impacted our world; such as Einstein’s theory of relativity.  

Like every gift, however, our mind either becomes a tool or a weapon based upon how we use it.  The destructive side of the obsessive mind keeps us stuck in the past or in the future trying to minimize risk and pain.  While the whole time it is inflicting a continual stream of unnecessary pain.  It is important to understand that our emotions are driven by our thoughts. The task that is simple, yet difficult to master, is to learn to set healthy boundaries with the obsessive mind and teach it, as we would a child, to focus on things that are relevant to us moving forward in life.  The inability to manage our emotions can often lead to unhealthy habits, impulsive behavior and poor boundaries with others. 

Controlling our thoughts can be as similar to being a child lying on the green grass on a summers day, watching the clouds float by.  Often times a cloud would come into view that somehow would not fit within our imagination or reveal any shape or character.  So in a childlike way we would simply let that cloud go and focus on clouds that gave us what we needed.  Thoughts that enter our mind which often seem uninvited are given energy when we try to resist them.  If we simply accept the thought, thank it and then dismiss it, it will help in the process of refocusing back on what is relevant and important. 

The mastery of our emotions is our responsibility. Often times we give others power over us by allowing their thoughts and feelings to drive our emotions, rather than simply acknowledging  that it is what we are choosing to focus on and it is in our hands to decide.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center