SIX DAYS WITH TEENS

Recently, I had the opportunity to spend 6 days working with Teens. The first 3 days were spent at a treatment center co-facilitating a Level Three "Balance" Seminar with Greg Barton. The next 3 days I was able to lead a Level One "Wakening" Seminar with teens locally from the St George, UT community and surrounding areas. As a result I relearned some very profound things. I would like to take a minute and share those with you. 

First off, I was reminded of how powerful the future generations are and how much we often times, as adults, focus on the fears of what the next generation will be or what the next generation is going through. Within the spirit of each of these young men and women is an understanding that each human life is important. The desire to give respect and receive respect is inherent within all of them. When they are given an opportunity and are guided, the love and acceptance they give one another is overwhelming. 

I also had the reaffirmation that young men and women crave structure. When they are given an opportunity they will choose a structure that will benefit all concerned. Often times we don’t recognize this as parents because within our homes there lays family dynamics that can often create behaviors within our children which lead us to believe otherwise. Children crave an even playing field. If all young men and women sincerely participate in an activity there is an automatic unspoken respect that occurs. The ability for each young man and woman to see the value of each other becomes magnified when all participants are engaged. They tend to operate in this forum without agenda, understanding the end purpose is for each to help move one another forward. 

Finally, at the end of the week in my closing remarks with the families, I challenged each of us as adults to now give those teens the opportunity to lead us to create a similar environment within our own world. We can learn to create a structure within our own lives that will be mutually beneficial to all concerned and once we have created that environment we can show up within it, fully engage and participate. Too many times we allow ourselves to resist structure and participation due to our own fears and regrets of the past. We lose out on the opportunity to sit still within our own being, to be at ease and to listen to our own souls for answers. It’s this rising fear within us that takes away our opportunity to hear the answers and be free. The last few days I have had the opportunity to check in with a few of these teens. Within them I can see the resolve to continue this environment because they recognize truth as truth. They are committed to creating that environment into their own lives. I pray we can follow their lead.


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center  

BECAUSE I TOLD YOU SO (Child / Teen Dilemmas)

It’s summer, school is out!  A whole new set of dilemmas have arrived.   It is easy as parents to stare blankly at the problems that come from children getting out of school.  Whether it be as simple as trying to figure out what they will eat during the day to dealing with a defiant child having so much free time they refuse to get out of bed and help maintain the home.  Regardless of the dilemma,  one of the things we have to remember is that it is always important to engage our children in the solutions.  The most powerful tool in our toolbox as parents is the ability to give our children a voice and help them learn that they can solve problems and participate in the solution of problems in order to learn how to be self-governing. 

Recently while listening to a parent describe their interaction with their defiant teenager I became concerned at the parents response which was simply “Because I said so”.  Giving the child the impression of “I am right, you are wrong”, “I am the adult, and you are the child”.  While it is important for children to be obedient, it is just as important to teach children the value in being obedient. Too often we see defiance as a personal affront.  In reality it’s simply children or teens testing boundaries.  We as parents have to abandon the belief that when we say “because I said so” and the child in turn complies, it means we were right.

 I propose that we need to become more focused of results as parents.  It is more important to become focused on our children’s understanding of why they are doing what they are doing, their response and their reaction to our requests; rather than trying to control our children into or out of behaviors.  Becoming more result oriented as a parent gives us the opportunity to open conversations and deepen our relationships with our children while increasing their understanding of why they are doing what they are doing.  Creating long term values within the child gives them the ability to first value us as a powerful viable source of information and second the desire to be accountable because they have come to understand the benefits of doing so. 


Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

RIGHT AND WRONG ~ vs ~ WORKING AND NONWORKING

Recently while sitting and running a parenting group, the topic and/or question came up of “How do we start focusing on the positive rather than what’s wrong?”  This topic tends to be a general issue rather than a parent specific issue.  The issue at hand is that we spend more time focusing on what is wrong and thinking by doing this we can fix what is wrong and that our issues and troubles will be over.  The struggle is that when we spend our time on what is wrong we tend to see it as a continual stream of wrong. 

I enjoy working on motorcycles. I like being able to take a motorcycle that isn’t functioning well and by process of illumination, track down what is wrong and fix it.  After stripping it down, this strategy works in helping me find the issue and putting the bike back together. The bike then tends to work more effectively. While this strategy may work on bikes, this does not work when it comes to human beings.  Human beings are more complex creatures than a simple animate object that is designed to do specific tasks. Since it tends to work well in those areas, we have the tendency to apply this philosophy to the complexity of humanity.   I cannot look at myself and simply through a process of elimination, track down one simple issue, fix it, and have my life become flawless from there forward. 

There are a series of factors that play into the issues we all wrestle with.  Rather than spending our energy focusing on fixing what is wrong, there is a more effective strategy when it comes to dealing with humans and our own humanity.  One way is to simply shift our focus to look for those things that are “working” and “not working” in our lives.  When I identify the “working” pieces of my life, I can then start to see them as universal truths. I can then apply these truths not only to the issues they are working for but also use them on the things I may be struggling with.  For example, if I have the ability to let go of obsessive thoughts when it comes to work, that means I have the tools to let go of obsessive thoughts.  Therefore, if I am struggling with obsessive thoughts in my personal life, by focusing on how I am dealing with them in my work life and the processes I used to let go, I can then apply these same tools to my personal life for similar results.

We as human beings have a tendency to default to wrong and right thinking when it comes to problem solving. That may work on a carburetor; it does not work on hearts and minds of men and women. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

FORGIVENESS - YOU WANT ME TO LET GO AGAIN??

Recently I was asked how does someone let go when the wounds are so deep?  How do I move past the emotional scars that have immobilized me from moving on?  This is a question that seems to be more common place than we would think.  Being a human being in relationships requires us to be vulnerable.  This openness is created by a belief that we can trust that individual or individuals with the essence of who we are.  I have asked many groups of people what they believe trust is?  I have heard many different responses but one reoccurring theme is the belief that the person you trust will not violate that trust, betray you or use what they know against you and love you regardless.  The struggle is due to the simple fact that we are all human. There will always be an increased possibility that they will violate your trust. 

In regards to letting go, letting go is a process of forgiving.  It has been said that forgiveness is more about us than it is about the person we are forgiving.  This statement is absolutely true.  Where we become immobilized is when we get caught up in waiting for those that have caused the offense to acknowledge or fix what they have done or to somehow be vindicated in some miraculous way.  Regardless if either of these two things occurs, it is requisite that we find within ourselves the ability to forgive and let go.  The importance is due to the fact that when we refuse to let go, we create points of fixation that continue to draw us back to the place within us that the offense has occurred. This causes us to live and relive, continually being victimized by our own inability to let go. 

How to let go?  How to let go is a complicated answer.  It is complicated by the complexity of the offense that has occurred.  For some it may be simply choosing not to care anymore.  For others it may be sitting down with a professional that will help guide them through the pieces of the event or events.  For others it can simply come in choosing to refocus on what is true, regardless if others are unwilling to see the truth, drawing on their own personal internal value to anchor in. 

Lastly but most importantly, just because we are letting go, does not mean that what happened was ok.  It just means that we are done being held hostage and being caught up in the vicious cycle of obsessing and reinjuring ourselves. It is always important to back up the process of letting go by establishing healthy boundaries.  It is easier to put up walls, isolate ourselves and to cut out relationships but in doing so we become trapped in our own walls.  Boundaries are what will keep us safe and allow the relationship to move forward in whatever form it takes.  Sometimes it requires us to limit our exposure to topics or people.  Sometimes it requires us to fully say goodbye and allow that individual to move on with their life and us our own.  Most often it allows relationships to re-stabilize and become healthy again. This occurs by not allowing ourselves or those that have offended to travel down paths where the offense has occurred before.  In order for us to set boundaries we need to have  a clear vision of how we want things to look in the future in that relationship, in other words how things will have to look in order for us to keep ourselves safe. 

Letting go is the most powerful gift we can give ourselves.  Liberating ourselves from past hurt and events, to open up our future, gives us new breath and hope. It is important for us to remember to have a vision of how we want things to be and set boundaries that will allow that to happen. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

ADVERISTY: DON'T YOU KNOW? IT'S POTENTIAL ENERGY!

It is important for us as human beings to remove the value statement of “Wrong” from the adversity we experience throughout our lives. So many times as I have worked with clients, the fear of being wrong has played a significant role in their ability to take healthy risks, progress, let go and heal.  It is critical for us as human beings to change the way we see adversity. 

We have grown in our understanding to believe that adversity comes because of something we have done wrong or believe it is some form of cosmic punishment.  The reality is adversity is the potential energy that growth needs to occur.  Just as a germinating seed will grow within its husk, pushing itself to the point where it eventually bursts through; the strength and energy it now has after working through adversity creates the capacity to then penetrate through the soil under which it finds itself. 

Our adversities are no different in that they contain the same energy which will propel us forward. Our understanding and confidence building will increase to prepare us for the journeys that lie ahead.  To stifle or avoid it is to deny progression.  Avoidance comes through the fear of not wanting to be wrong or feel discomfort.  We find ways to avoid through addictions, blame, self-loathing and other forms that keep us numb.  The solution comes through embracing adversity and understanding that it is potential energy that promotes growth.  

Simply put, here are the steps to moving through adversity:

1. Change the way you see adversity. Adversity is potential energy that promotes growth.

2. Remove the fear of adversity by seeing the value in it.  Adversity is needed to progress.

3. Build a tolerance for the discomfort that adversity creates.  Let go of the fear of being wrong.

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center 

YOU WANT ME TO GO WHERE?

The willingness to commit ourselves to a path that brings both knowledge and growth requires commitment.  It is our commitment that opens the doors and guides our feet as we set out on a journey to progress and heal.  It is through the commitment to the path that intention is born. 

The intention that we carry in our hearts will always guide our focus and give us the ability to see the subtle answers that we normally would miss day to day.  As we walk with a hunger in our hearts and an appetite for whatever it is we seek, our senses are more open to finding, consuming and internalizing the steps we need.  As we progress through our days, if we commit to ourselves to set healthy boundaries with those we love and do not let fears or insecurities interfere, we will be more alert to the subtleties. We will have the ability to discern how and when to set boundaries even when we find resistance in it. 

Commitment is what pushes through the barrier of resistance and allows us to refocus on the intention of keeping relationships healthy.  We do not allow discomfort sway us from the ultimate path we are on. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS WHEN I STARTED

Humans have a tendency to be extremely adaptable. This has been proven simply by the ability we have to live and survive in the extremist of conditions. At times I think to myself, “We have no business living in the desert when it’s 125 degrees.” Then I see those who live in Antarctica or the Arctic Circle and not only live but thrive. This is true of all climates.

It is this adaptability that often times becomes our demise.  A few weeks back I was pulling oranges from a box. I was intrigued by the fact that round oranges had flat sides where they had pressed next to another orange very tightly in this box.  I pondered how the natural shape of this orange had been changed by its need to adapt to the temporary living conditions prior to being consumed.  It was then that I realized we are also like these oranges and our natural shaped behaviors, thoughts and feelings can all be shaped by the environment that we allow ourselves to be in. 

I have often said that we are easily defined by our 5 closest friends because it’s these 5 closest friends we allow to influence our shape.  Take a look and see if you can learn something new about yourself.  Are you like the orange?

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

IT'S NOT ABOUT CHANGE, IT'S ABOUT GROWTH

What does this mean???

TurningLeaf has founded this motto based upon the understanding that the majority of human social issues come from trying to change who they are, to be of value to somebody else, rather than taking who they are and growing the strengths that are inherently theirs. 

Our philosophy is derived from the two ways that people are motivated. Fear or Love. We have learned that fear, as a long term motivator, is a defunct system and that over time, breaks down, creating repetitive unhealthy behaviors.  Love or “Value Based” motivation creates long term healthy behaviors, simply by helping people understand why they are doing what they are doing. 

Value Based Living increases the understanding and need to continue healthy behaviors.

Currently we implement value based living in all of our services. Specifically, if you have thought about attending our Value Based parenting class but wanted more information, follow the link which will bring you directly to our web page that gives a breakdown of this 8 week course.  (Value Based Parenting)

Dean N Nixon
Seminars Director, Life Coach

TurningLeaf Wellness Center

SILENCE

The restlessness of the day disturbs the stillness of the quiet mind.  It is within the silent moments that we can find answers to the struggles we are working through.  By increasing the stillness or the quiet moments we will connect to our discernment.  Just as the stillness of water reflects our image, the stillness of our minds will reflect the answers we seek. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center

JUST ONE MORE PIECE OF PIE

The true demise of New Year’s resolutions isn’t the failure to accomplish them, but the intent by which they were set.   Most of the time we feel that the true failure to keep New Year’s resolutions is due to a lack of will power or the inability to stay committed.  In truth, the demise is set within the intent of why we chose the resolutions to begin with. 

All too often we allow external influences to become our motivation rather than focusing on our own truth, our own needs and focusing on what is healthy for us.  For example, getting caught up in the physical self-image that we portray to the world and placing high value on our physical appearance can often times cause us to be self-conscious or insecure about our weight.  We plan on losing weight, or working on our figure knowing that we will be attending a high school reunion or playing on the beach in the summer.  We work hard until we reach those end dates.  Once those end dates have moved on our purpose and resolution has now disappeared.  We find our motivation to continue to exercise and eat well starts to become less of a priority. 

If, however, we can see the value in the long term health benefits, we can now start to focus more on the value of why we are doing what we are doing as an internal motivation rather than an external. This can be accomplished by focusing on how we feel when we are eating healthy and exercising and focusing on the feel of the success of keeping our agreements with ourselves and commitments that we have made.  The New Year’s resolutions that are most often kept come from an internal motivation and resolve to increase one’s value and the ability to see ourselves in a long term healthy way.   

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach
TurningLeaf Wellness Center